A Tsunami On A Bad Hair Day
Sailing in the middle of the dark ocean, only oil rigs are flaming in the horizon, forming a false sense of a nocturnal celebration.
A bunch of random stars, a bunch of safety lights, engine sounds.
Passing white birds are highlighted in the mechanical environment, flying with us as we cut the gusts in their favor.. “Where these guys are going?” I am asking myself..
Front tropical winds.. room temperature vibes.. life is empty or is it?
As my veins are fueled with caffeine and my horrendous half-self-made haircut is blown by the African breeze, I am rowing on the highest place of the ship, this new toy of mine.. something repetitive, wanna be meditative is stuffing another day of vacuum.
‘Mastering Fear’ audiobook is pounding in my salty ears as I am seeking another drop of sweat, another heart beat per minute to enliven this instant experience we call ‘now’.
Giving myself a birthday present to put my phone 30 days on flight mode, seemed to be resulting a sense of personal flight mode as well, hmmm for some reason I am not surprised, why is that?
Penetrating my mind.. this puzzlement.. and let’s go.. It’s clearing up.. the unnecessary noise, Africa my beauty queen, you’re so damn ugly but you turned so damn beautiful when you free the spirit from all the rubbish of first world problems.
I am rowing and rowing and listening to the last chapter of the book, it’s called — “What truly matters?”
As I am pacing up, my brain starts to release the harmeful hormones it was holding on biologically like a fat spoiled youngster is holding onto his ice cream — “No mama, don’t lick my balls, their mine” (sounds horrible without the connotation hah)
Rowing is over, as I am getting closer to the front seat of the ship.. where the breeze doubles and the imagination triples.
I split my hearing between the winds and Mick Jenkins album — The Waters.
The album starts with a song called — Shipwrecked. It gives me goosebumps.. I am stoked.. any switch of emotions is exhilerating on board as the static state is the most dangerous one. Getting rotten, frozen, dead-end mentality.
Pas ici notre grande mer.
Fresh thoughts are coming in.. courageous ones.. as I re-learn to understand what matters to me at the end of the day, the end of this life.. How near is this mysterious thing we call death? Naaa everyone dies but it doesn’t really happen.. right? We have enough time.. we will always have enough time.. because we don’t have time to think about not having time so we have enough time to think that we have enough time and this is a very stupid formula to get away from it. Hmmmm let’s try again. Who’s hiding, Eu? Não! Minha mão onde tá? Little self slapping is recommended at times.. it’s kind of embarassing but hey, do you want to keep on daydreaming until it’s too late to wake up in your last days and write a nice poem about the things you never had time to do and it would be very touching that actually your last request would be to read it in your funeral.. how boring?! Shouldn’t we live a little bit until that gray day!?
So what are we really afraid of? If I ask myself which I do — my answer would be — Myself.
I actually don’t know what this spontaneous answer would lead to, because I never thought about that that that..
The tsunami is not really scary, it’s more of the story we created around it.. The sorrow, the misery, the pain, the lose..
But this is not truly scary.. this tsunami can actually wash away all the nonesense away.. whatever tsunami we’re talking about..
But what is more scary is to lie to ourselves.. don’t you think so?
What quality of life could one have when lying to oneself? Absolute 0.
Nothing fake never makes it or does it?!
Not for me, not here, not the silly birdy lil mushy mushy brain of mine.
I don’t know why, but it doesn’t work for me..
Maybe it’s some sort of protection.. maybe not..
Maybe just stating it, is already a sort of lying to myself.. maybe not..
Maybe call me baby, and we can sip a bucket of the cheapest tequila, forget about all this complicated philosophy and have a 2 minutes wild monkey sex on the beach, right here right now, Thailand fucking Thailand.
Too many maybe.. let’s go for certainty.
So what am I not willing to sacrifice in order to be this honest me?
That should be on the backdoor of my communal almost public bathroom.. but it won’t.. so what reminder do we need in order to maintain our alignment to what’s truly important?
I ran straight from the ship’s top, full darkness, brainstorming, bum sweating.. because I knew that my brain is small enough and my appetite is big enough to just open the damn TV and wash my thoughts with some useless telenovela with extra Latino drama to allow me to cry, get excited and whooooopsy wake up when the chapter is over with a sense of lazy-empty-mindedness before clicking again the pinky sexy button (like the remote control were some sort of a vibrator, but we cannot just turn on the god damn device to make us come 100 times right?) to watch the next chapter… forgetting to even make tea, because the mind has to be washed even quicker than our digestion system… Yeah whatever, yellow wee wee, dehydrated.. but my brain is fed.. and my mind is cluttered with mental marshmellows. So yummy, so instant, so superficial. That is a killer and that is what I am afraid of.
Better be writing this absolute crap of a blog than forgetting about these over-chewed insights of end of world nights right?
Maybe not.. but please.. tsunami, I invite you into my life for I am no longer afraid of you as the white passing birds are not..
So, thanks no thanks.. I’ll be joining them on their meaningless ride in the dark skies of Africa.. wandering into the nothingness, wandering somewhere, elsewhere… where fear is not near and the mind gets clear.. clearer from yesterday as a reminder of where do we go..?…
This is not an aquarium I live in.. So golden fish hop on my wings, I promise not to eat you, but you know as an ocean bird, you are my food, so trust only yourselves.
Tsunami and golden fish for breakfast then!
See you tomorrow morning for breaky, or maybe not.
Maybe yes, but remember not to remember, just a reminder, an alarm, a safety drill you know, to trick yourself and wake up and sit on a cloud, alone, observing your life and wondering where you might take your best shot, flightless birds, another chance, flight mode urges — you, to fly higher, crash faster and fly higher…
Penguins breakdancing on the bouldery coast.. what’s up with that?! Where can I sign up for the workshop? )“Oh so sorry, it’s a special occasion for non-flight license holders”) Hey!? I am a temporarily flightless Cormorant, can’t you see?! Let me in, I want to party too!
It’s Icarus, crashing like a brainwashed ‘Kamikaze’.. into the target… whatever target it is.. he cannot see anything from the excessive amount of targets.. so at the end he just falls aimlessly, between the red marks of the nearest airport. Airport control guided him to follow the rules and just crash there..Emergency exit out of life.. With his 1 million dollar insurance..he’s safely dead, a rich dead man. But he forgot again what truly mattered at the end of the day..
Is it a new day now or is it not?
Maybe, maybe not, maybe, maybe not, maybe maybe not, maybe, maybe not, maybe, maybe not, maybe, maybe not, maybe, maybe not, maybe, maybe not, maybe, maybe not, maybe, maybe not, maybe, maybe not, maybe, maybe not, maybe, maybe not, how much longer? maybe not, maybe, maybe not, maybe, maybe not, maybe, maybe not, maybe not, maybe not, maybe, maybe not, maybe not, more time please, maybe, maybe not, maybe not, maybe not, maybe not, maybe not, maybe not, maybe not, maybe not, maybe not, what’s going on now? maybe not, maybe not, maybe not, maybe not, maybe not, maybe not, one more maybe please baby? maybe not, maybe not, tick tock tick tock, maybe not, maybe not, maybe not, maybe not, maybe just maybe, maybe not, maybe not, Maybe is a name of a South African hot lady I met 4 years ago but it does matter not, maybe not, maybe not, maybe not, maybe not, maybe not, maybe not, maybe not, maybe not, maybe not, maybe? Definitely not.
………………………………………………………………….!..?…?…!….?!!?!?………100%
YEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSIR!!!
O Fucking K.
Properly rested. Fully equipped. Overly ready to take it higher than ever.
