Could You Be.. The Most Beautiful Girl in The World?
Yes you are, thanks to our profound relationship.
2003. I am horny I am jumpy I am Bugs Bunny!
I do nothing but the boogie-woogie (a new metaphor for trouble-making)
I compete for the worst student in school but my social life is surprisingly flourishing in contrast to that.
I date only beautiful girls, of course, who would dare to start a relationship ‘out of the menu’ as it determines my social status which means crtitical surviving in this cruel world.
in 1999, what I can call my ‘first fake kiss’ (just to say I did it) was a big rumor that pushed my social status from bottom to top.
She was the beautiful girl from the next village, and now it’s official - we’re dating (just to say we’re dating) = We don’t talk much, we don’t kiss (again) and hmmm pretty much nothing is going on.
Back to 2003. We go out a lotttttt.
The country side valley had turned into a social volcano and parties are everywhere.
Me and my ‘Garbage Gang’ (as we were called as a unit of troublemaking teens) went out clubbing and didn’t miss a chance to drink heavily, get wasted and on the way meet so many new friends and optional dates.
My grandfather used to say to my father:
“Why don’t you find just someone across the road and marry her?”
It didn’t sound good to me, as my father used to repeat it for me.
In addition, I remember my father asking me often:
What do you think of this girl, she seems nice right? Do you want to be her boyfriend”
“Stop it daddy, she’s ugly”
Only now ‘flashbacking’ I admit, I was surrounded by the most gorgeous girls.
But how come I didn’t see it back then? What social pressures are twisting our perception!?
I told at least 3 friends back in the days:
“I will marry a Swedish girl and make 3–5 kids”
Well I guess the opposite happened next…
There was an ‘ordinary’ girl from a near by village, she knew many good songs from the clubs. So one day I asked her to transfer me some nice ones.
We started chatting on the phone, and we found each other speaking for months and months 1 hour a day (the times when phone calles had actually cost some bling bling ching ching ring ring)
We became good friends, best friends, just friends.
But our extensive morning hugs were too sticky to ignore.. my whole body was in ecstasy around her.
But it never really crossed my mind to be her boyfriend because:
1. She was below my standard. (whatever that means)
2. She was my best friend.
3. I was so damn pro at convincing myself why she’s not for me.
We started holding hands, a little bit of this and a little bit of that..
I remember falling asleep on each other in a bus ride — we didn’t really sleep, we were pretending.. we melted into each other like a choco-coco hot snack.
The chemistry was ‘out the roof’.. The fact that we weren’t together back in this time was literally — ‘living a lie’.
The big day arrived, she came over to my village on a Friday night.
The social glue in my village was sufficient to just be roaming around the streets..
We brought drinks, too many drinks and I got wasteddddddd.
I think I only did it not to confront her.. because at that night we knew she came especially for me, and ‘it was supposed to happen’. (no, not sex but the mere application of our love)
She was way too smart for me, she didn’t drink anything and she was helping me to get back home.
I thought to myself: “What a stupid boy I am”
But because I was really stupid, the next day I already forgot about it.
There was a party in my village a few weeks later..
She came, we hung out, we danced, we sat on the sofas.
She caressed my hand very very very intentionally =I had no where to run, hide or make excuses.
I enjoyed it! Damnnnnnnn I enjoyed it.
I loved her sooooo much, she was my undercover lover I was trying to escape mentally, but emotionally I was hooked, totally hooked!
The love turned into physical attraction (even though she wasn’t attractive ‘according to the menu’) and the intellectual match was way beyond something common in this world (now many years later I only know)
The only excuse I could come up with was:
A younger girl from another village (2 years younger than us) was obssessive about me: she was painting my name on school tables, taking secret shots of me, putting my photos in her room and many other sick things..
She was a good girl, a normal one.. but got carried away with this one.
Anyways, that girl came to the party and was watching us both on the sofa, mingling like ‘Puma cats in a snowy cave’ — I thought to myself:
“I cannot do it to her, it would destory her completely! we cannot be seen cuddling next to her”
So I told ‘my best friend’ to stop and she was hurt. deeply hurt.
I guess that was the last shot for this relationship..
She decided after that to move to a different high school in the ‘bay area’ which took us apart from each other.
We never really talked about it or continued our profound friendship after that because finally we both had the perfect excuse to ‘finish it’!
Oh mama. A month later.. I met my first real girlfriend. (that is another whole blog)
She was absolutely hot: 1.78, blonde, green eyes, skinny and fashionable.
She made ‘my best friend’ look undeserved and a contrast of the ‘Swedish Dream’ I always had and to the current girlfriend I have now which I am sooo sooo proud to be seen around publicly.
I will never forget that night — it was the party of my dreams, we kissed under the foam machine in the middle of the dance-floor.
On the way back home we kissed on the bus (we couldn’t stop)
— I felt like the king of the world!
I accidentally noticed that ‘my best friend’ is right in front of us on the parallel bus, observing us kissing and hugging.
I don’t really remember how it felt, but I felt like I must move on.
…
A few months later, I had a new girlfriend and coincindentally she was the neighbor of ‘my best friend’…
All the hints in the world were telling me:
“wake up wake up wake up! can’t you stop for a second and look around.. see what you missed, feel what was the real value of a relationship, of a lover, of this life-time?!”
I guess I couldn’t. The current girlfriend again, was too hot and blinded me big time that I couldn’t dive into my emotions deeper enough to find the shame, the inner blame, the real game and say:
“What are you doing, wasting your time again on hotty ones and the real love was flushed down the toilet because it is easier not to face the truth, your truth, your love, yourself”
Only later on, I was told ‘my best friend’ kept on loving me for months and even years afterwards.. I guess I had dormant emotions for her too, but I never really dared to actualize those and tell her the biggest secret I was keeping to myself: “She was the most beautiful girl in the world, to me”
and none of those hotties could convince my heart otherwise.. but my brain.. oh my brain was washed.. I was totally brainwashed. I loved it.
We all have been brainwashed by televisition, education, commercials, family, and mostly by peer pressure.
We cannot distinguish any longer between our false dreams and our true dreams.. it is all so blurry in this high pace life.
Did we ever stop to question who we are, what we want, what is a worthy goal of pursuing.. or are we too damn busy being busy so the calculator is the only thing we need to use… because cash baby, cash is all we need..
So one day, some day, our pockets will be full of them Swiss Francs, sipping double cream latte on the Lake of Geneva and wondering why our hearts are so empty but damn it’s too late to use our money to buy our hearts back…
What currency do we need? maybe time, maybe courage, maybe humility to stop, spit the mirror and say: “you’re wrong”
We don’t have to be right, we don’t have to be successful, we don’t have to be anything or have anything or do anything that was set in the pre-program of life. But no one ever told us there is no next life.. we were so foolishly convinced that for centuries all those monks and priests were going to heaven, but whether there is heaven or not, shall we practice a little bit.. ‘boom boom beating hearts’ It’s a nice game, I played once or twice and even you lose it feels nicey nice.
Cupid, where the hell are you? In heavens!? So come down here and shoot my young bum as long as it’s popping and jumping so it could rub against another real bum and not a robotic kind of artificial one I bought myself on Amazon, or Red Light District, or just the next door hot student that has the best seductive posts on TikTok.. oh damn.. Let’s make love! or maybe not.
Let me unthink one moment and…
feel what love means and mean what love feels.
Side note:
‘Prince’, Thanks for the title, thanks for the song, thanks for breaking the rules, thanks for gifting us the shamelessness to reinvent ourselves and be proud of it, yesss ‘mission possible’. SMASHIMG IT!
Yes, Prince!
She was the most beautiful girl in the world, because our love was deep and real. Oh man. Amen.
What a question, what a lesson.
A kiss from the ocean, see you in heaven.
