Destination None.

In a world of cheap distractions and instant pleasures: what do I do when there is nowhere to go and nothing to do?

Ready or not, here I come, you can’t hide.

I found myself again, floating in the ocean.. far away from everything known to me.. But actualy when I think about it, I’ve been around the corner.

Just 4 years ago, I was sailing less than a centimeter away on a world map, The South West African Coast.

The previous time I was here, I had such a strong and clear destination. From Cape Town to England- going through the desert, remote islands, historical centers and so on.. All I saw in the sandwich was the bread from both sides of it.. I didn’t really care what was inside.. I shall eat it like a hungry hyena. I am driven and I am on my way to my destination.

This time, it’s a very different kind of experience.. I am sailing in circles. Indeed I have work to do and I am focused on the mission I was enthrusted to, yet, something is empty in my mind..
There is a gap between my drive and the absent of clear, near and forseeable destination.

I am in the tummy of a big motor vessel, I am surrounded by many people, random ones, but I feel alone, I feel that my ocean doesn’t speak to me anymore.

On a little sailing vessel, the ocean used to splash, caress and wake me up to set the sails and breathe deeply.. The sound of the birds in the middle of nowhere, the sight of the map showing just a few more days to reach an island.. was so comforting. Upon arrival — The ectasy was flowing in my veins and I was rushing to climb the peaks and dive to the depths of my geographical heaven.
Perhaps addicted to Adrenaline? Can’t I just sit sipping tea and enjoy the sunset..

In here, things squeak, engines vibrate and passing weird smells are creeping into my spacious yet confined cabine.. drinking another cup of coffee, and another one.. ticking another goal in the agenda..
Trying to hold onto an imaginable destination.

We don’t sail anywhere.. our mission is to sail in circles.. this is a very strange voyage as it is some sort of a metaphore.. but hey! Some people sail in circles.. I just never thought I’d be the one.

So after all, do we like to be busy? be called all day long? Having to fight for our right to be silent and alone.. when those things disappear it is sometimes too boring, too much of self-mirroring and we want to go back.. go back to the known.. the rushing mind that washes it all away.. What is being washed away? Our little thoughts.. they knock on the door when we’re already asleep and they cuddle with us at night when no one knows, not even us..

We wake up, we want to go somewhere.. everything is moving around us but we, we remain still, locked, jailed in our own thinking prison.
We see the map and it is changing all the time, but where are we going now?
Why do I learn without learning anything, is a patience game? I don’t like it!

498345S 039085E what the fu!%ck is this place? it has no character and no story!
We don’t have an imagination wild enough to understand what is this deep blue spot. What is the reason we’re here?

……….

Deep Blue is our new status.. not only for the dot we just nailed on the map but also for our collapsing mindset..

Deep Blue is something in between slow and cold, something between lonely and remote, meaningful yet dangerous, scary yet interesting… something to take us away from the noisy disco of beeps and tweets, sweets and tricks.. those guys don’t visit here. This place looks dead. Hell no, it’s where your life turns into…

At this very moment, the ship started shaking from one side to the next.. things falling and breaking on the floor.. the dinner I just ate wanting to exit my body and bungee jump on myself.. Typing while holding my core is not a prefered yogi routine but can I, with extreme focus and attention to where I am and what I do — Benefit this situation?

How strong more should I get so I could enjoy that? Is it just acclimatizing to it and that’s when it turns easy? or is it just accepting this reality? How so many people LIVE IN HERE?! some individuals from all over the world, millions of them.. are living in squeaky ships, just like that.. sailing from A to Z then from G to Q and T to E.. is it a real exciting destination if you don’t really get off board? You touch and you go. No Samba beach carnival, no historical museum in Okinawa, no safari in the Savannas.. you touch you go. You sail in circles without calling it by the name.

You’re in Deep Blue zones most of the time..

What keeps you sane is your own ability to imagine, to reflect, to find meaning in the nothing.. is it nothing or is a lot? It all depends on you..

Do you need to make a fortune in here to find meaning? Do you have to study all day long to find it useful? Do you need to meet dolphins in the morning so you could smile in the evenings? What is that you need in order to float in the Deep Blue and become fulfilled, satisfied, high on natural drugs your body produces..

The walls start to speak, the wind is the same as yesterday and doesn’t bring any news from near safe shores.. The smartphone screen becomes an ugly mirror.. the tea becomes bitter and boring and you’re growing.. you’re groing so much…… if only you could see that.

Nice to meet you, I am your ‘floating psychologist.’

Listen to me here, ok? Do you trust me? Yes! So follow me please.

Where are we going? We have not the time for questions. We have too much time for questions. But are we humble enough to answer those dead-honestly?

Let that tropical breeze penetrate your mind and start to empty all those things you’re clinging on so strictly. You cling on certain thoughts and you literally put yourself behind bars.

The ship becomes a prison that you’re trying to escape and as you can see clearly The Deep Blue is only pleasant while diving in effortlessly. It is stronger than you, millions of times.. so let go.. relax. You’re not going anywhere. Not today, not tomorrow, not next week, not next year. Never.

So start to get used to the idea that when you stretch your limits things happen:

Hey it’s me, your Comfort Zone..
where are you going? Come back here.. it’s nice and cozy!!!! I need you here!!!

Hasta la vista Comfort Zone, we are not friends anymore, even though I miss you terribly. There is nothing going on between us because this cuddling sessions at home with you is a big lie and it makes me worse..
I belong here.
The Deep Blue has captured my heart and I am sinking in my dreams but flying in reality. Anchored yet sailing, suffering yet growing…

Oh, give me an island! just to snack an ugly flat and rocky island.. run a little bit, play in the grainy sand or drifted rubbish.. jump in the water.. muddy water, murky water- I don’t care.. but all this sailing here is dry and mechanic.. I don’t like it here.. let me out!!!

I want out.

I want to touch the ocean my lover and I want to make love to it right now.. Stop the boat.

It is my right!

I am an ocean bird and I need these waters to refresh my wings, I am not spoiled, it’s evolution you know! you can’t lock me down here.. I need to fly away now! It’s been too long and I am losing my ability to fly.

No I can’t do this ‘flying gym thing’, it’s bull$#it!

Deep Blue I want to hold my breath and dive in.. can you take me? I think there is a mistake here!

I don’t think I was supposed to be here now, not this one.. probably near by but not this one.. I am telling you, it’s not this one, I have checked it for a long time now, I know what I am talking about.

….

Lil bird goes to sleep now, back to the nest, salty dreams.

Re-hatching into a new world.

The world of endless possibilities.

We invent those and shall they appear.

We do our homework which we give ourselves.

We set alarms which we set ourselves.

We set our minds which set our lives.

Things are very simple now, they are clear, the island was another distraction on the map I wanted to go to.. it is unnecessary.

The oasis of my mind nourishes me with dates and fresh water, sand dune to play in and survival games to get tougher and wiser.. as the Shepherd from Western Sahara that never saw a map, never planned his life and never had a destination in mind.. never had a mind, never had a worry, never had a boring moment, never had a disappointment, never had too little nor too much. Never rushed back to the oasis nor into the wilderness looking for trouble. Never had a checklist and never had a blacklist.

Rocky trail, beaming sun, drifting sands, blurry breeze, 60 Degrees, dry as hell, hell as dry.

Destination Zero, Discrimination Hero.

It was you — Deep Blue. You are the lover I was craving for.. and now that you took me, I am longing the sun.. don’t fight over me because I am not going to fight over you.

Just let me drown safely until the sun will call me, then I’d ascend and climb and spark and shine yet commemorating where I was born where my anchor is, together with the wrecks, there I am strong.
Not crying for those salty nights, not dying for sleepless fights..
Just flowing and recalling.. where truth is.. where wisdom feels, where mastery heals… it is what it is.

Deep Blue oh Deep Blue now that I am gone.

Destination None.

Free falling… take me wherever I belong.