My Stoic Self-Contract

18.4.18 Self Contract
“I have taken a challenge to test my patience, persistence, self-control, humility, prudence and last up to my values to the end without breaking down.
It’s almost there and it is very tempeting to fall back, but no.
…… …… …. . …….. ………..
… ….. ….. ….. ….. ….
Bang!”

2018 Guinea, bodyguarding.

Leaving my project Rosemary Dream, Brazil.
Working on a remote island: Cutting my golden locks, wearing a suit and tie.. and that’s it. Get a life!

From extreme to extreme, how do you deal with it:
Can you remain calm and committed to the process?

The only thing I see in the horizon is my next vacation.
Life sucks by the hour and there is no crying to mama now.

A vacation from Africa is the spotlight of life: a breath of air after drowning, a gulp of water after crossing the desert, a banana after a marathon finish line, a party after your uni graduation= You’ve got the point ;)

I must be ready.

Cited from the summary of the month:

“Here we go.

I reached ‘peak state’ before flying to France:

Fitness, self-awareness, cheerfulness, concentration, French skills, health.

Reaching France in a peak state, I was doubling my performance and I was just starring in this specific chapter of my life.

Going back to Guinea, surprisingly repositioned because of changes in our workforce and missions.

The work has not only doubled, but I was on my own, far away from my apartment and ‘normalities’, travelling all over the country.

So, I am (still) 23 days now, working around the clock, every day, no rest.

After reading so much Greek Philosophy, naturally, with the new attitude equipped in my personality (I wasn’t expecting it to be so automatic) I decided to take it as a challenge and learn the best from it.

I just decided to stick to one goal — not being affected by external factors, which is the foundation of Stoicism. (I signed a contract with myself, which the only goal this month is being and doing that without any complaints or self pity)

Gladly, I am still here, smiling and breathing, learning every day greatly and needing constantly to raise the bar of my inner powers in order to stay focused, healthy and calm — staying committed to what is essential.

I may have lost many priorities, but the one top priority has arose from the dead — the reason I came Africa for: Reshaping, restarting and improving my perceptions, emotions and thinking patterns.

BANG!”

Bonus question: Why the contract was written so badly?
Because it was damn difficult to make a commitment.
I was delaying/denying it, why should I confront myself hey!? IT SUCKS!

Was I sugarcoating my experience? Maybe..
Could I have done it better? Maybe..
Do I regret it? Hell no! (heyyyyy wait, maybe I do)

But it doesn’t matter now.

That month was a total nightmare.
I was entitled to recieve at least a double if not a triple salary.
At the end I recieved a hand shake and a lil thank you.

But what I learned while practicing?
To commit.

I guess we should all first be compatible with our promises, signatures and so on..

Choice is what usually fuels motivation, because we all want to be free to decide for ourselves.
When life turns ugly and there aren’t many choices what is left is just to commit — One of the strongest driving forces of life.

If you cannot commit to enjoy, to learn, to grow, to move mountains..
Just commit not to complain, to accept, to do nothing because perhaps the storm is stronger than you and fighting it means hurting yourself, others and propelling irreversable results.

Why people take a vow in weddings, in serving their country as police officers, soldiers, judges etc..?
Why people shake hands after a complex agreement?

After all the crap of convincing certifications and glamorous materials.
We are all starving for trust.
Consistent, trustworthy and balanced folks.
When things get really f*cked up, are they going to keep their promise:
remain loyal partners, helpful friends, ethical leaders? hmmmm!?

That’s the golden value of commitment.
But commitment has to be practiced daily, because it is very easy to start living a lie and show false results because we are too deep in sh!t now to expose our lack of loyalty, mainly to ourselves.

The day you’re going to marry someone:
take a big breath,
close your eyes,
relax your heart-beat,
look in the eyes of your partner,
notice the depth of the inner sparkle —
is it ripe, is it right, is it speaking my heart?

Then go to the nearest toilet, wash your face with cold water, jump in the spot and shake your head, slap your face, scream stupidly, sing hallelujah, turn 10 times as fast as possible like you’re in a time machine, then ask the same damn person that is looking in the mirror if he/she is compatible.

If the answer is vague.
Say I don’t know, I can’t commit, I am sorry.
Then take your pants off and go walking, walking away from living a lie.

And that would be an honorable thing to do.

Go practice commitment until you f*ucking mean it.
In the meantime, quit the ones you cannot fulfill.

Humility, is scarce nowadys. (not ambition)
Humility to say NO respectfully and not YES hypocritically.

Your reputation matters a lot,

but your compatibility matters most.

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Cormoran Lee

Cormoran Lee

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I pour my heart involuntarily into words, since I found that writing is the ultimate solution for a nightmarish sailing journey. I can still connect with you :)