1 bar of chocolate: A call of nature. Inconsequentially.
10 bars of chocolate: I smile to the camera. ‘Cheese’ myself.
100mg of Ritaline: I can think. I can’t unthink though.
1000mg of Ritaline: I sleep under my desk until next workday.
100mg of Caffeine: I blink effortlessly. Eyelids functioning.
1000mg of Caffeine: I can walk to my car, Google Maps — Find me.
1000ml of Alcohol: I start to feel something. Eased dispair.
10000ml of Alcohol: I am confidently lost. Weak signal in this sh!t hole.
10mg of Nicotine: I can finally breathe. Without my Asthma inhaler.
100mg of Nicotine: I can watch the whole sunset. Best story. #doingme.
100mg of THC: I’m able to relax. Nearly stop worrying about the time.
1000mg of THC: I giggle to my own jokes. Still cry to my complaints.
100 Likes: I can look in the mirror without defusing cheeks powder.
1000000 Followers: I must break the mirror. It’s my no.1 hater.
First sex: I share with my grandma that speaks only Google Translate.
First kiss: I train with my dog. While wearing a mask. #offline
Late night date: My urge is my officer. I salute. I wear a condom over my heart.
Red Light District: Where is the love? It’s a good song by the way, I sing alone.
1000$ in my pocket: I gift my sister a used furry toilet seat. #vintage
10000000$ in the bank: I buy myself a better look. #perfectpossible
First book: Cat’s scratching toy. Allergic to paper. Allergic to reality.
Last post: I am sold. Instantly. #nowayback #shoppingchannel
1 sniff of Heroine: King of the palace. Just me and my Aladine. #fixthemess
100 injections of heroine: Buttler of the devil. #goldturnedblack
First funeral: I shed a tear and have a beer. There is always time to cheer.
10th funeral: I tweet a sad face. I get a smiley back. I am happy to connect.
100th funeral: I run like a skeleton in the Olympics of Nevermind and win the 0 mile rat race. Sponsored by Google ads.