The New President

“I could help you eating plenty of donuts but still staying ‘in shape’”

Sayyyyyyyyyyyyy WHOOOOOOOOOO?

It’s Dim Sam Right there! You better get busy taking notes because you’d be bombarded with some ‘gud lovinnn’ until your pinky panties will be blown off with many unsolvable questions, free condoms and high fat candies.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

So what kind of elections are we having here? What country? What’s the d-e-a-l-i-o?

WHATEVER, I vote anyway for DDS. And you too!

You see, I am bored with those big old boys and legendary women. It’s time to shake some! Wasn’t it dull & untrustworthy until now?

So put your diapers on, becasue this is going to be a whacky ride with Dim Sam.

In his number 1 bestseller book ‘How I became Missy Elliot’s best friend?!’— Dim Sam writes about his profound research with Missy Elliot and how he proved the world the 3 astonishing results — 1. If I want, I can be more Afro than her. 2. I can make her eat only donuts but still lose weight. 2. Break the odds and become her BFF

To join Dim Sam’s online network go to www.spankedin.com/diapersonplease

As a courtesy to appreciate Dimi’s success — Missy decided to freestyle ‘Put Your Diapers On’, a song she wrote about him.

“From the moment I saw him it was like get outtamyway!

Then he noded his big curls and said “What you have to say?”

So I freestyled something and he corrected my grammer..

I felt a bit noxious but I always had a dream to f%^k an English teacher.

We drove my golfcar on the beach wearing highheels and lots of bling bling..

He walked & talked about wikipedia and a story about Alexander the King.

Then I fainted and woke up on XXXL hammock with a big box of donuts..

So we had romantic dinner, I ate everything ofcourse without sharing but only because he promised “You can go nuts!”

I felt so wealthy having billions in the banks, he seemed so healthy making homemade sugarmamaless snacks.

My phone was ringing because I am so p-o-p-u-l-a-r and his was muted, so I scream “You are so bizzare”

Then he had put the alarm for 06:00am and I asked, “is that the alarm to go sleep?”

He connected me to this monitoring analytical device, saying — “You can start counting the sheeps”

I woke up from the alarm, it was an old rapper kind of prayer by MC Sadhguru..

I told him it’s disgusting the guy talks about good will, pure heart oh mama boo hoo.

Dimi smiled, and said let’s stretch our booties and get wise, simultaneously.

I didn’t understand what he was saying but I thought it’s so sweet that he used the word booty so politely.

I felt so in love so I went to my private shrink featuring T pain & Lil Wayne.

They giggled and told me “What’s up Missy, you might be going insane”

So I rushed to ‘tweet’ and announce my BFF with Dimi, so he told me — “I don’t use this app but I got you a new Speedo bikini”

So he cycled through the city and jumped into a frozen lake drinking nothing but turmeric fizzy.. I was so inspired so I drove myself (myself) in my yellow lamborghini sitting on a sofa next to 50 meter private jacuzzi.

Then he sent me a love letter saying something “Incogruency’’ so I googled it but I mispelled it so it gave me Presidency. (so he better be in love)

So I offered him to be my president because I need him to manage my company but not my property.”

End of song.
Below are Missy’s drafts for the song. (not to be published)

you’ll never get my money poor doctor, you’re not real afro, and you’re too white anyway even compared to Michael Jackson, Too intelligent for a princess like me because I do what I want alright?, hmmm, hmmm, I am so hot and you’re so cold, I like when you tickle me with your analytical device, don’t say bye bye because I decide when you go, Dimmmmmmmmmi! I want more donuts now! Maybe you speak 6 languages but you sound like Google Translate and ain’t no cool in my hood.

Hey It’s Cormoran again ;)

I decided to write this blog because the thing I appreciate about Dimi the most is that he dares to tackle the current norms.

In this blog, I present the idea that is paramount in my opinion — Every president of a company or a country in this world should be a ‘life-hacking’ kind of spirit and to tease the existing beliefs system. And to laugh, to laugh histerically.

Dimi has a birthday today so it was a good excuse to go wild and express indirectly how much I admire him— he knows that and he doesn’t need ‘sugarcoated symphonys’ to feel appreciated because real friendship is not based on thank yous and love yous but on the consisting challenge to push and be pushed by wholehearted friends that want us to better us.

Thank you Dim Sam! I am who I am today because you took that difficult role in my life.

Dimi, I hope many other people will have the opportunity to be ‘spankedin’ just as I am. And even share and teach others to do the same.

Keep on being the most admirable human being. Everyone is enjoying you.

I will vote for you with my eyes closed for whatever you decide to be or do.

Dirty duck got your back here.