White Lies. Black Africa. Colorful You.

Robert Green. *Photo credits to Adam Kissick

We all have role models and people we admire, follow and even imitate.. but how committed are we to breathe daily according to their most profound convictions.

I mean, look at this guy, he’s ridiculous ;) I guess I won’t do that haha..

After all, the daily practice is repetitive and tiring, and we fall back to be our older versions, because the real question is: “are we willing to pay the price they did”.
Mostly the answer is HELL YEAH :) but the actions proves OOPS NO ;/.

I’ve been collecting some role models for years now: Micheal Jordan’s poster on my wall at the age of 11, Richard Branson’s quote on my desktop at the age of 27.. But did that really effect profoundly my behvior, I can only recall backwords, which is not good enough. Because we don’t really have a life time to recall, learn, improve and then do it again right?
So how can we live it forward or even exactly now?!

Last year was the first year I started to really take my role models seriously and define in clear words:
Who are they and what do they mean to me.
Then the most fundemental self-question: “How would they handle this situation?”
Ultimately, life is a sum of daily situations we need to respond to, so in a nutshell, you jump into your role model’s shoes and do as he/she would.

When you truly commit to this process, your self-talk suddenly has another dimension- it’s your role model speaking to you which usually reflects on the new version of you that you’re craving to enlive.

David Goggins. *Photo credits to D’Marge

David Goggins, my 2019 role model.
After life slapped me in the face in 2018, I had to get prepared for 2019’s second slap..
And guess what happened, yes! I was vulgarily slapped.
It’s not that the slap hurt less this time, it was actually twice as difficult to recieve it, not even knowing why oh why!?
But the attitude was necessary for that, what do I mean by that?

“Can’t Hurt Me”
It’s not only the title of the book Goggins wrote but also the way he lived his life, every single day, unfortunately and fortunately too.
He had to switch something in his mind to activate the ability to face life as they were and announce out loudly — “I am stronger than this, I learn from this and I leverage my life, now, exactly now!”

Goggins’ life was so terrible at times, that ‘we’ (other people) cannot even start to imagine how it felt/feels to be him.
When you start to dive into his world and comprehend the slim chance he had to become who he is nowadays, you start to get a healthier perspective on life.
“Ok, slapping is part of life. Ok.”

You probably wonder how it looks like to meet in ‘real life’ your role model. It’s quite shameful, hilarious, and even deeply disturbing but yeah here it is —
“What I Did Last Night”

Every time I was pushed over the edge of my ability to contain the incredibly hardships of 2019 I just asked myself out loud: “How David Goggins would handle this situation?”
And his answer was always the same= “Can’t Hurt Me”
So I wrote a contract with myself, signed it, printed it and hung it on the wall so I won’t forget every single damn day that I am accountable at least to my own promise, and if not so who the hell am I?! Lying to yourself is the point where your life starts to crumble in your hands, your heart, you see lies and your mind tells lies.. “No en mi casa!”

2018 2019 The most horrible years of my life by far.
Years I couldn’t contain, so I escaped to Africa, and things got even harder.
Because you can’t escape your mind, it comes everywhere you go with your hyperactive body. The constant battle goes along, hand to hand with your hungry soul, screaming: “Please feed me, I am dying, can’t you see”

Well, I am still in Africa, sailing in the ocean, and I guess I cannot just jump on a tropical island and forget about my struggles, but I can change my mindset if I want to, and dammm I want to, so what is stopping me?! Nothing.

Africa is such a damn good teacher, she doesn’t teach math or physics but she just peels you out of your modern crap. Whatever that is.
Surprisingly my last two role models are Afro-American.
I guess that’s what happens when you take this unbelievably beautiful continent and you give its people freedom — “The American Dream”
They unleashed themselves from their historical slavery and current self pity and just become the best, the best of themselves.
Which is exactly what each one of us deserves to do for himself.

Those years are finally over, for me and for you too, who are you following this year? I hope not the old stubborn you.

Do we want to keep on fighting ourselves and the rest of the world?
Is there a more fluent and funky way to do it?
Of course there is, but there is a price, there is a price for everything.
At least, for me, I had to let go of David Goggins, the Navy SEAL I resonated so deeply with. He became one just like I did, with a lot of tears, pain and head in the wall.. but I think I had enough of it, I want to wake up in the morning with a fresh perspective, something wild and fun, something that flows joy into life in an inexplicable way, something radically expressive, I’m not even sure how it looks like, but it’s surely different than how I woke up in 2019.

A caption of Robert Green’s video, Credits to him and YouTube.

Introduction into Robert Green’s World — My 2020 role model. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V-KaX8Cj2vM

When my life looked just like this picture, or the reality I was living in was filled with ‘White Lies’ I was telling myself, ignoring my intuition, and remaining tangled in the stories I was deeply convinced were pure and true =So much bull$hit sugarcoated. “I am fine” (yeah right)

The video demonstrates how we are tangled in our own nightmares that our brains actually produces, shall we wake up from this nightmare and start ‘Living our Dreams’?

At this exact moment in life, the end of 2017 I re-discovered dancing.
I was cluttered with spirituality and philosophy and couldn’t contain more empty or brilliant advices. I needed to let the ‘the flightless bird’ inside of me to fly in an aimless direction, just expressing the pain inside of me I was ignoring and pretending not to have.

So I started dancing, and I was dancing every day, even twice sometimes, it was the most calming yet energizing way to go through this ‘dead end’ part of life.
I could continue running up the mountains and swimming in the ocean forever, but something was not triggered there, something that perhaps was deeper than what I knew that existed in me.

I started locking myself in different rooms, hoping no one will hear me or disturb me so I could really really really be me.
Flying unapologetically.

Deciding enough is enough, I flew to Africa, and found myself ‘needing’ to dance daily, it was part of me I just couldn’t neglect anymore, it’s something that feels like air to breathe or water to drink.

The songs I was dancing to started to fill up the gaps of the puzzle of life.
I started noticing my inner conditions by the energies, melodies and lyrics I was dancing to.. something dark and lonely.
I hated my life, even though my life looked so glamorous from the outside.

When my project Rosemary Dream is over the Atlantic Ocean, ‘the most gorgeous project in the world’ (or maybe not). Why the hell am I stuck on the other side, budyguarding VIP Africans.
Why my hair is shaved, why do I wear a suit and tie for and why do I carry a gun?
I live a life of someone else? Hmmmmmmm..

Well that’s another blog/video I promised myself to dive into in more details, but let’s get back to the subject even though my writing has no rules to follow.

Being ashamed of your own dancing, art or anything you do deeply from the heart could be very disturbing..
The day I stumbled upon Robert Green I started looking at the situation differently.

As much as Green had a dark side, he also had a very bright one.
In his videos, he broke all the rules of the choreography and expressed himself so radically that observers and fellow dancers just couldn’t believe.
His costumes, his gestures, his attitude, his moves were out of this world.. and he captured my heart..
He wasn’t bragging, he wasn’t seeking attention, he was just sharing his gift with the world.
In his videos, the most exciting thing to look at is actually not him, but how his contagious energy infects all the rest of the dancers in the studio- they are jumping, lauging, and rolling around his thunderstriking personality:
“Sensing the real, deep and revolutionary joy of expressing who you are”

I started reading about him and understood the depth of his character, he was not a fluffy wannabe celebrity, he was the most authentic and vivid creature out there in the dancing/music/styling industry, breaking the moves and the rules of everyone, but while inspiring profoundly every single artist to finally be himself regardless of what it means and who it pleases.

If you can bring so much light and laughter into people’s lives without even saying anything but just being so ridiculously you.. well, it’s a worthwhile pursuit in life:
“I am coming and I am willing to pay the price”

2 months ago, I found myself in a wedding of a dear friend, I could count on one hand the people I knew there.
I felt strange: I didn’t like the music, the style, this whole big expensive venue but I came to celebrate the most special day of his life, it wasn’t for me.

At one moment I stopped bull$hiting myself and just started whooping the dance-floor, mingling with old mamas and fellow youngsters.
To say I truly loved it, I cannot say because that would a ‘White Lie’.
But I surrendered to the situation and allowed myself to be expressed in the current moment.

2 days later I recieved a wholehearted message saying:
“Cormo, you ‘brutally’ made my wedding”
At this moment I understood I have a gift for the world, and that’s to make people happy.
I may not save the hungry children of Africa or save the burning forests of Australia, but do we really get to choose what gift we have to give or a gift was given to us in our birth, our birthright, our right to gift something from the heart?

Life is too damn short anyway.. shall we try and fail and see what happens?
Our desire to be ourselves is one of the most burning ‘living’ things inside of us.. when it itches you day and night and doesn’t leave you alone, that’s when you know it’s time to jump..
To jump out of the old you so you could finally be the new you.. yeah it sounds so simple and fun but the reality proves differently, it’s awkward and even embarrassing sometimes. All the time.

But hey, start small and ugly, so you could diminish your expectations and stop being this standarts perfectionist that’s lying to himself.. what do I mean by lying: saying it’s not the right time, or it’s not good enough, or you need to get better before you start being yourself” bull$shit.

This is just the beginning, there is a high price to pay to be yourself.
But once you start paying, you realize it’s free, you’re free to be yourself and only you asked for a high price to be that damn you that’s craving to become.

— -

Well, I have news for you, you’ll never be good enough if that’s what you think, so let go of your own bull$hit and jump.. you’re probably going to fall for the 1st — 100th time but who cares, life is about jumping = doing what’s necessary to be yourself.

— -

I am going to continue being stupid, ugly and shameful.. harvesting the new me I want to be.
If you can’t be honest with yourself, if you can’t laugh at yourself and if you cannot paint your art as is:
well.. what are you alive for?

Spirituality? Philosophy? Blablablaness?
So… you f*ck around or jump!?!

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I pour my heart involuntarily into words, since I found that writing is the ultimate solution for a nightmarish sailing journey. I can still connect with you :)

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Cormoran Lee

Cormoran Lee

I pour my heart involuntarily into words, since I found that writing is the ultimate solution for a nightmarish sailing journey. I can still connect with you :)

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